I heard most of a sermon yeterday that really was great. I am sure it was hard for some in the congregation to hear, but I thought, "wow, this is preaching...where it hits and hurts and causes us to think and reflect and be challenged by God's Word to change."
Lately, I've been really struggling with my own lack of devotion to Christ and His church. I've been struggling with the mediocrity life affords us, if we let it. I am tired of leading a hum-drum life...just teetering there on the fence...not really sold out completely for the cause of Christ...and it leaves me feeling empty and guilty. This luke-warmness that the beloved apostle, John, warned us about in Revelation...I would pretty much say that is me at this time in life. Now, this might come as a shock to many since I am a missionary and therefore (in many people's minds) I should have my stuff together, but can I just blow the top off of that lie and say that missionaries are not any better than the next guy? Why do we have this thinking that missionaries are somehow super spiritual? Now, I haven't been told these thoughts directly so maybe it's my own sinful thinking (I am sure that is a lot of it!) but I carry this weight of burden to always watch what I say, write, and do because, I am a missionary. And, you know, I am a follower of Christ (no matter how feable) and I should reflect Him in my life, no matter what my occupation, but sometimes I think, "if only I were just a stay-at-home mom I would be relieved of this stress to be perfect in everyone's eyes." (I do believe,however, that even if I were JUST a stay-at-home mom I would still struggle with this sin because it's one I've always dealt with.) We say we believe in God's grace but do we afford that grace to each other when we show our less than perfect lives? Very often, I know I do not.
The sin of comparing myself to EVERYone else out there is very real in my life as well. I tend to look around and measure myself according to others. I feel guilty when I don't measure up to them. Instead, I should be looking to Christ because even though I will never measure up to Him (until glory), He will give me strength to press on and allow His work in my life to change me to be the way HE wants me to be.
So, I then get back to my own sins and my own walk with God and I see that I am not faithful and I want Him so much to rule and reign every facet and crevice of my life and have a heart aflame for Him. Why is it so hard? I am reading Bonhoeffer's Life Together. It's been so encouraging and yet, so discouraging because we are so far from true community within the church of Christ. We are content to see each other on Sundays and go about our lives the rest of the week. We are content to be SO busy with every thing else except the work of the Church! And, yet, as I was reminded and encouraged yesterday, we are to be devoted...DEVOTED to one another and the work of the Church. As the pastor said yesterday, we tend to schedule church around our lives, but we really should be scheduling our lives around the church. SO TRUE. So, we say we are followers, we may even say we are devoted, but are we really? Are we really carrying the burdens of the widows, orphans and poor in our congregations? Are we really dying to ourselves and loving as Christ wants us to? This is the mark of a Christian (as Francis Shaeffer wrote in his short little book with the same name). And, you know, I am preaching to myself here more than anyone else. I don't want to be a luke-warm Christian. I want to love, really love and pour myself out and be a living sacrifice to Christ as Romans 12 commands us...and yes, it is a command.
This also affects our children. I firmly believe that our children will live out the faith they see in us. They know when something is genuine and real and they know when it's fake. They can see through all the fluff. I pray daily that my kids will love others, really love others and love God with all that they are. But, honestly, I don't think praying alone is enough. They need to see me and Paul living that same kind of faith. They need to see that Christ is the foundation of our lives and without Him, we are lost. I believe it was Francis of Assissi that said, "preach the gospel and when necessary use words." That is the kind of gospel preaching I need to exhibit in my home with my husband and children.
Well, these are just some thoughts I've had as of late. I hope I haven't offended anyone, just know that I am sort of "talking out loud" here...I am processing what I am learning and trying to apply it to my life. And please, leave a comment and share your thoughts...I'd love to hear that I am not the only one but also encourage one another as is fitting in the Lord.
3 comments:
Crystal thanks for sharing your thoughts. I struggle with this more now when I feel that I have no particular ministry or grander purpose for service. This is just wrong though as no matter where we are or what we are called to, the greatest calling is to Jesus Himself. It's hard to remember this when I face boredom, or longing to be fully engaged in community with growing Christians who live their lives purposefully and with passion.
Hi Crystal,
I completely understand what you are saying. I struggle with this every day. Just remember, who you are and what you do are within reach to other sinners when they see that you are like them and not perfect. If someone that does not know Christ and they meet/see you and see a "perfect" person they will think it is unobtainable for them to reach your plateau. Seeing you in your humaness (is that a word??) makes it so much easier for them to realize it is okay to be imperfect and have to try each day. And that each day, each moment is another opportunity to reach for heaven in this life. I also believe that if we feel that "okay Lord, I am perfect now", we will stray away much faster and will feel we don't need assistance from God and He wants us to need him.
Remember too, Crystal, you are adjusting to big changes and I am sure you are lonely and missing your beloved Thai people. This is normal. Reach out to all of us to help you through it. We love you.
Keep up the good work. I check in on you occassionally and you always inspire me with you're faithfulness.~Wendy Hughes
Crystal,
I too have these feelings a lot of the time. Our culture would have us believe that busyness is the accepted way of life and yet this will leave little room to serve Him. Yesterday we too heard a good sermon on the book of Jonah, and the bottom line was that we need a heart change (not just to obey)...so that we "see" the needs without being told to see them and that we will strive to meet those needs as we see they are needed (or something like that). Also remember that the enemy would have us believe that what we do is never enough or that we cannot measure up to what we should be doing. Deuteronomy 6:7 exhorts you to impress "these commandments" on your children...when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." I would say that is what you are supposed to be doing right now. Dont let the enemy make you feel guilty (I am not trying to disuade you here from God's message but just to remind you that you are doing something extremely important right now...caring and raising your children as godly people.
love, momH
Post a Comment