boasting in weakness and consciously embracing suffering

This week I didn't want to be thankful.  I struggled to get outside of myself and serve and love others like Jesus.  By Wednesday, however, I was determined, by God's grace and help from my husband, to get out of the house and be concerned about others.  So, I loaded up our children and I drove to our friends' house.  The friends who are all crammed into a 5 room apartment and their total number is equal to 28 living there.  Our friends are seeking asylum from persecution and have no rights whatsoever here and are in the worst kind of limbo.  Our friends whose needs are so many and overwhelming that at times we are at a loss as to how to help, other than to go and talk and play and pray and be present.  I have to admit that sometimes I don't want to go. Sometimes it's just all a little too uncomfortable...not having any answers and not having a magic wand to whisk them off to a better land where there is freedom and ability to work and make money, legally.  But, I know...I know in the deepest depths of my soul that we are connected because of the blood that dripped down from the body of Christ on the cross and we alike, confess our need for Him and our utter dependence on Him and the words, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers," (Gal. 6:10) bounce around in my head...and also Proverbs 3:27-28, "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.  Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"- when you now have it with you."  I know these truths...and these are my brothers and sisters and we try to live in light of these verses.  We show up there and we are given hugs and smiles a mile wide because it's been a few weeks since we've been over to visit and we're seated and given tea and even given a meal from these precious ones, who themselves, do not withhold anything from us!  I asked how they were doing and asking if their needs are being met...they share that they were given a water purifying system...a huge blessing as even getting clean water here is not free...and when you have 28 people drinking water, that adds up....quickly.  We rejoice at God's provision.  I marvel at how they keep going...keep trusting, keep persevering...because of Jesus.  One sister comes to see me, she's in a lot of pain.  She needs medical care.  She's been to a clinic but they only gave her pain killers.  And, I'm wondering, "what is wrong with her?" and "is she going to be okay?"  And, kicking myself for the umpteenth time that I didn't go to nursing school!!!  We pray...we cry together and we call out to our Jesus...the One who saves, the One who is faithful, the One who can bring healing, the One who can give wisdom...and then we rest in Him.
We are moving in a little over a month.  We are moving 12 hours away (by car).  We worry about our friends.  Who will help them?  Our Thai church is doing what they can, but there is only so much...they are not even fully supporting themselves yet.  We would greatly appreciate your prayers for this family.  I have contacted an organization who work with those in this kind of situation but have yet to hear back from them.  Please pray that someone will be able to provide physical answers to their needs.  We are trusting our Lord to provide for them, He has kept them thus far and we know His love for them is far greater than our love for them but we do ask for you to pray.
So, we left there, feeling burdened but thankful that we went. We are family now...their needs are no longer out there on a computer screen or in a flyer somewhere, they're very near to our hearts.  Sometimes all is needed is someone to listen and hold your hand and say, "we're here."  Pray that we can be faithful friends in the face of uncertainty and hardship.  

on spiritual warfare

Nearly every Sunday I come home from church and pretty immediately I struggle with anger, impatience, despair and discontentment.  This has been going on for some time.  If I had to guess, I would guess years.  I am ashamed to write that, but that is the reality.  Every Sunday is a struggle.  Now, there have been Sundays when I come home in a good mood and refreshed but that is definitely not the norm.  I was talking with a friend some time ago and I am not sure exactly how long ago but she was sharing a similar struggle and she said so clearly, that it was spiritual warfare.  This was the first time I realized that my struggle was also a spiritual one, one in which the enemy of our souls was battling every single Sunday to bring me down and to defeat me.  Ashamedly, I have caved way too many times.

Today, dear reader, was no different to the dozens of times I've had this experience.  Sunday comes, and I truly look forward to worship and I truly enjoy worship and am refreshed and feel like nothing can get me down and then 10 minutes home all Hades breaks loose. Today, all Hades broke loose and then there was clarity.  After my "meltdown" (selfish and indulgent and full of self-pity) I took a walk around our neighborhood.  It has been raining here for the past two days, quite hard, but there was a break in the weather and so I put on my sneakers and went out to burn off some steam.  On the walk, my heart was full of evil thoughts.  Thoughts that I won't even dare to write here.  Doubts and disappointments loomed large in my mind and my heart was hard.  I was doubting the Lord's goodness to me and His kindness...and I was most definitely taking His patience for granted.  I am thankful we serve a Lord who is slow to anger and abounding in love and kindness.  

I came home, went straight to my room, shut the door and laid down in my bed.  A few minutes later, Paul came in, gently, and asked if he could share something with me.  I agreed.  And he proceeded to share the sermon he listened to this morning (he stayed home with the girls since they all had some sickness in the past 24-48 hours).  It was a John Piper sermon on missions and some thoughts the Lord brought to his mind after listening.  The chisel was set and the Word and Spirit were ministering together to cut away the fat from around this cold, calloused heart.  I was humbled and struggling to let down my guard but eventually, I did by the Spirit's kindness, I let down my guard and heard.  Paul was saying these struggles are because of the calling.  He named it spiritual warfare, a torment of Satan to try to discourage us and beat us down with his lies.  We aren't called to America.  We are called to Thailand.  We are called to a place in Thailand that is hard.  All of Thailand is hard and to add to that hardness is the unknown of what to expect down south.  The spiritual forces at work in our lives are very real.  We have an enemy and he does not want to see us get to Thailand. If he can stop us here and now, he will and he will do all that he can to stop us from going forward.  That means, he will fill my mind with doubts about the good God that I serve and the calling that my good God has put on our life, that means he will tempt me to anger and impatience, to harsh speech and unkindness.  He will tempt me to think, as I did today, "there's no way you can serve Christ...look at you, you're a mess! Who are you fooling?"  Yeah, I really had these thoughts. I really had these temptations and regretfully, I listened to every one of them until I came home and Paul greeted me gently and with truth.  I haven't been spending much time in Ephesians 6 lately, but I think that this is where I need to be for a while...taking up the whole armor of God so that I can stand firm against the evil one.  It's funny how so much clarity comes when the Lord shows you His truth and right now I feel so foolish that I haven't realized this sooner...that I didn't really hear the Lord in that conversation with my friend awhile back, but all this struggle is to bring me closer to Him, to a deeper dependence on Him and that is where I hope to rest.  I feel ashamed that I bowed my knee to the enemy Sunday after Sunday and unfortunately just after bowing my knee to my Savior who bled and died for me!  O what a wretched man that I am.  So thankful that Christ is bigger than this and He is showing me victory can only come through Him and depending wholly upon Him!

Ephesians 6: 10-20
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this  present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.  In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.  To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak."

*Please pray for our family as we do battle temptations and oftentimes we give into them.  Pray Ephesians 6 with us and for us and may we see the Lord strengthen our walk in Him and may we see victory over sin in our lives but also in the lives of many Thai people.

on cancer and other afflictions

I had the delight of chatting with my friend, Yu, recently on Facebook's instant message.  Yu has worked with our team since the early years and she has been a faithful servant of the Lord.  I asked her how our other Thai sister, Tang, is doing.  Tang was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in late November.  She did some radiation treatments in December and two weeks ago she was to start her third round of chemo treatments.  Those treatments were never started.  They have said she is too weak to go through with another round and are giving her natural medications to help ease the pain.  We also found out recently that she has bone marrow cancer.  To say that all of this was a shock is a huge understatement.  Tang isn't even 30 years old and she and her husband, Pramot, just had their first baby in early November, her name is Peace.  It's hard when people you love are on the other side of the world, hurting.  It's hard whether I am in Thailand and our American family is hurting or whether I am here and our Thai family is hurting.  It's times like this that you wish you lived A LOT closer!  So, in answer to my question, Yu said that Tang is getting weaker and weaker.  Of course tears rolled down my cheeks thinking about this sister and the pain, both physical and emotional, that she is walking through right now.

I am sure some might think what I am about to say is crazy, but I look at this scene of hardship, affliction and grief and see a child deeply loved by her Savior.  In a day when the Joel Osteens and Joyce Myers of this world are shouting "have more faith and you will be healed!" it's refreshing to be reminded of what the Scriptures teach, that Jesus never promised a rose garden, in fact, quit the opposite.  In our Americanized, Western worldview we have been taught that a pain free life is the one worth living, that's when you're truly blessed.  But, if we compare that to Scripture, it doesn't hold much water.  Over and over again in the Psalms the Psalmist cries out, "why do the wicked prosper?"  Why are they wealthy and healthy while the righteous are poor and needy?  And, if you read those Psalms, you will also notice that each time the Psalmist asks this question, he always comes around to the fact through the Spirit's leading that they will not prosper forever, that God's righteous judgment and wrath will come upon the wicked.  Be sure of it.  So, I see this trial that Tang and Pramot are walking through as a testament to their love and devotion to Christ and more importantly His love and devotion to them.  He loves them so much that He has allowed them to walk through the furnace, to be purified and brought to a greater dependence on their Savior.  The wonderful hope for them is that their Savior knows exactly how they are being tempted as He has walked the same road of affliction.  He can comfort them and grant them strength.  And make no mistake, whether the Lord sees fit to heal Tang's body of this vicious disease that is causing her physically to waste away or whether He sees fit to welcome her into His glorious presence, He is good.  That's the bottom line.  Do you doubt His goodness? Do you doubt that God works all these afflictions out for His glory and for your ultimate good?  If you do, spend some time with your Lord, in the Scriptures, calling out to Him to show you His goodness and to help your unbelief.  He is good, all the time, good or bad, He is good. Trust Him and rest in Him alone.

Pictured from left to right is Pramot, Peace, and Tang. Please keep this sweet family in your prayers.

fighting on your knees

 I am not sure what the actual number is of folks who pray faithfully for us, meaning daily, weekly or monthly, but I think that number, hopefully, is pretty high!  It is humbling to be on the other side of all that prayer and wonder why people we hardly know spend time praying for us, but we are extremely thankful that they (you?) do.  We are trying really hard to be faithful about sending out prayer emails, MTW Thailand is also faithful about sending out monthly prayer emails thanks to Mary Randolph who keeps us accountable!  And, I think it's safe to say that we truly hope that when you commit to praying for us your prayers are not just merely, "Lord, bless the Henry family."  We love the Lord's blessings, and He does hear that prayer, but we really would love for you to be specific in your requests (which is why we send prayer emails) and also to pray for the Thai people to come to see their sin and repent and turn to the Savior.  One of my favorite prayers recorded in Scripture is none other than our Lord's prayer in John 17, the High Priestly Prayer. And, my favorite verse is verse 3, "Now this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."  This "knowing" is a very intimate knowledge.  So, here we see Jesus praying for His followers to have eternal life and spelling out what eternal life is...knowing God and His Son, Christ. An intimate relationship, likened to that relationship between a husband and wife.  Perhaps you pray this for yourself, for your family members, for the missionaries, for the lost of the world. Perhaps you never thought of it before.  Salvation is not fire insurance from hell, it's knowing Christ.  So, when you pray for us, please pray that we would know our Savior, pray that those we are seeking to share the Gospel with those who would see their need of Him and the sin in their life and repent and return to the Lord and know Him as well. Pray that we, as missionaries, would be faithful to disciple those who do repent and throw themselves on Christ.   Pray for our children to know our Savior and grow in Him as well.  Pray for courage, boldness, humility and wisdom as we go about our days, often in a hostile spiritual climate, and for the Lord to be glorified in our speech, walk and thought.

The one Constant

*disclaimer, when I wrote this post back in November, we had just returned home from a 10 day trip, while staying in an amazing log cabin out in the woods, isolated from all the modern day conveniences...so I was having a bit of a rough day readjusting to "normal-for-us" life.

Okay, so I just introduced this post with a disclaimer...that disclaimer is shared so that if you don't REALLY want to hear my heart today, perhaps you should move on to the next blog you read...or pick one over there on the right on my blogroll and read one of those instead!  We returned home last night around 9:30 from 10 wonderfully spent days in the Upstate of South Carolina.  As I mentioned, we were staying in an 1800s era cabin...however, it does have running water, lights and a flush toilet...and even a shower!  It was gorgeous and simple and I loved every minute of being there.  It was heated by a fire place with a blower and so most mornings were cool until one of us got the fire going. This post isn't about our time there, though.  It's about today.  The heaping piles of laundry (because when you're from Florida, you wear loads of layers to keep from freezing to death), the realization that all that home schooling that was going to be done didn't happen, the fact that I have psych tests to be finished by the end of the week for Mission to the World (timing is not the best with that!), groceries need to be got, and oh yeah, the lingering taste in my mouth of the stability of that country life compared to the ever transient upheavals of what is our life.  That last one there...that is the one that I have been struggling with today.  We met with so many new friends on this trip.  It truly was an immense encouragement to us to fellowship with both old and new friends.  It was beautiful to see our children not want to leave newly met friends and to remind them of how wonderful it is that no matter where we go, if there are Christians there, we are family because of Christ.  And, today, as I struggle with contentment in the transitory nature of our life, I have prayed often for the Lord to remind me of His goodness, how He has cared for and provided our every need and that though those stable country lives are beautiful and bountiful and full of good things, that is not our calling.  It's not bad, it's just not our calling.  I so wanted to pick up the phone this afternoon and call my dear friend, Rhianna, who knows this struggle all too well.  To hear her words of wisdom and to know that she understands.  I just wanted someone who understands.  Instead, I cried out to my Lord in my weakness.  He heard, He is faithful, He listens. He tenderly reminds me of the calling He has given me.  He tenderly assures me of His love for me and that things and houses and superb education don't mean a hill of beans to Him, that I am His and He is mine.  The Bible tells us that Jesus knows our weakness, he knows that we are but dust and it also assures us that He knows how we feel and that He was tempted by everything we are tempted by, except He did not sin.  So, I am comforted in that as well.  Jesus knew his time on earth was somewhat limited.  He also traveled a lot and slept in many different homes and didn't have a place to call home.  He was transient.  He understands, too.  Thankfully, He understands too.  The one great thing about this crazy life we lead is that it ever keeps our eyes on Christ, that we are merely sojourners here, passing through until we get to our eternal home. I think of those of us who are often moving from place to place because of the calling Christ has given us we are forced to hold loosely to the stability of growing roots in a house or city affords and abide in the One in Whom our roots are truly to be rooted.

some encouragement, I hope

I recently started reading a devotional book by Beth Moore entitled Voices of the Faithful. (Thanks Rhianna for letting me borrow it!) Anyway, today's reading I found encouraging and wanted to share this poem with you that the author penned. She is/was a missionary in Central Asia.

Tie my heart to here,

Let it beat with the pulse of the people.

Let it love and be loved.

And when it no longer beats

Let my soul rise to Thee.

Bind my heart to You,

Let it beat as one with Yours.

Let it pump compassion through my veins

And let it always be my heart's desire

To come to Thee!

This missionary wrote the above after she had a conversation with another missionary. She asked him, "How long did it take you and your wife to feel at home on the field?" She says she waited for his deep, spiritual answer. He said, "It never happens." She wondered how that could be and then he shared with them that the peace and calm does not come from ever feeling at home; however, it comes from becoming tied to the people God wants you to reach and knowing the Father's heart.

I think this is very important for any Christian, not just missionaries. Are we tied to God? Are we tied to the Father? Do we have purpose in the task God has given us...each of us to fulfill? In Ephesians 2:10 the Lord tells us that "we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Are you doing those things? Are you tied to the work God has for you? It may be in a different culture but for most of you, it's in YOUR very own culture...there is work for us to do but we must not ever allow the work to overcome the Person for whom we work. If we work as hard as we can for God but have not God...we will quickly burn out and have nothing left to give. If you struggle to meet God daily, I urge you, I exhort you to make it a priority because how are you ever going to speak healing words into another's life if you yourself haven't been reminded of God's promises and healing words? So, I will ask you again..(and myself) are we tied to God? If not, seek after Him for He promises to be found when we diligently seek for Him. (Jeremiah 29:13).

*and on a side note...if you are a wife and a mother this post isn't meant to make you feel guilty because you aren't out in the world leading millions of lost sinners to Christ. Your first priority, according to God's Word, is your husband and then your kids. Don't neglect them..they are part of your "good works prepared in advance for you to do." I, struggle with this A LOT! There is a certain amount of guilt that comes with being a missionary wife/mom and finding the right balance between ministry to my family and ministry to the Thais can be difficult but it gets a lot easier when I allow God to show me what He wants me to do and when I submit to and trust the leading of my husband. So, this post isn't meant to make you feel guilty...do your work as unto the Lord...you, as a wife and/or mom, perhaps have the greatest ministry on the face of the planet. Raising Godly kids isn't easy but I still exhort you to be tied to God while you do it! He will grant you wisdom and understanding and patience to endure the hard days that seem will never end! =)