Three weeks

*I wrote this last week.  This week has gone much better with the exception of yesterday when I burnt an entire pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove.  =(  But, I am thankful that even in that, God showed up.
Checking into the blog after a whirlwind of a couple months.  Friends visiting from the States on a vision trip, Thanksgiving, major exam for Paul, Christmas, New Years, packing, cleaning, culling and moving and then unpacking, cleaning, trying to meet new people and learn our new city and province is mostly what we've been doing. We've been in our new home for three weeks now.  It seems like it's been so much longer as we have been busy getting to know our area as well as people in our area.  We are thankful for the many, many answers to prayer, very tangible answers to prayer, and all of that has confirmed our move and encouraged our hearts so much.  I started the kids back to "school" on Monday.  So, as all things with school go, it has been a rough week.  I don't always enjoy home schooling.  There, I said it.  But, at the same time the thought of sending them off somewhere just gives me the heebie-jeebies and we don't really have an option anyway.  So, we started our 2015 school year.  I knew I had to kind of take it slow this week and so we have but my temper has flared, I've questioned my ability (again and again) if I can really do this, all of this.  And, I'll admit, I've worried about it all.  Sometimes it's easy to think that all of this would be so much easier Stateside.  There's the public library, oodles of resources available at my fingertips, less stress in figuring things out, but if I am really honest, the grass wasn't any greener there.  I struggled just the same.  I don't think that really encourages me because then I have to face the fact, that it's me. I'm the problem, and so are my sinful children.  All of us, really.  We all contribute to the lack of harmony because we are broken and needy people in need of Christ's grace.  With all the flurry of activity and moving (and we all know the stresses that come with that) I have forgotten the gospel.  I have forgotten that I am forgiven. So, in an effort to remember we are trying to be more diligent.  We are working at daily memorizing the book of Philippians (a task we started on two years ago but it got left behind until now).  We are praying in the mornings over breakfast.   I saw something a few months back on Pinterest or FaceBook that I tucked away in some corner of my mind for after our move.  What I saw was an idea to write down names of people to pray for on popsicle sticks, put those sticks in a jar and each person pulls one stick out each morning at breakfast and we pray for those we love, near and far.  We've done it for three days now and I think everyone loves it!  It gives us a chance to talk about our loved ones, those in the US, Canada, Kenya, Thailand and even unmentionable countries and we get to pray.  We get to pray together for the precious people in our lives.  Some of them the kids have only met once and only have a vague recollection (or none at all!) and some are family and friends that we know really, really well.  We also broke out the guitar and started some singing.
Why is it so hard to remember the gospel?  Why is it so hard to remember that I am messed up, horribly beyond what God intended, and I need HIM, every hour! Every moment!  My prayer this week is that I would hunger and thirst for His righteousness and for the ability to die to myself.
I am so thankful for friends who point me to Him. I am thankful that though I feel alone here in our new city that I am truly not alone.  Christ is with me, with us, and He is faithful.  I can rest in His promises and I am praying for the Lord to help me rest, to truly rest, in Him.  Because most days I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off, barking orders and snapping responses and ordering children around with very little that resembles Christ's gentleness and love.  And then, I get frustrated that I have misbehaved so horribly and so the horrible guilt and despair set in all over again.  So many people have said how they admire us and they couldn't do what we're doing and things like that but honestly, we are just weak vessels trying to be obedient to Christ to share the hope we have in Him.  We're not superstars. I am NOT a supermom, I am not a super home school mom, I am not a super missionary mom.  I'm just a mom, like some of you, trying to live humbly and obediently before my Savior, He has just asked me to do it in another continent.  I know that certainly there are unique challenges to that, but like I said earlier, I am just as needy and weak in the States.  I am glad we were home for 4 and a half years because the Lord showed me my need of Him all the more. So, the few of you who read this little blog and love me, please pray for me to rest in our Savior.  Pray that I would remember the gospel in my everyday moments.  Pray for the Spirit to have the freedom to move among us and that I wouldn't hinder His work by my stubborn and rebellious heart. And, perhaps mostly, pray that when I am stubborn and rebellious that He would melt my heart, show me my sin and bring me to repentance.  I am thankful and hopeful for all He has done and is doing and will do.  May Christ's name be praised!