Yesterday was a hard day. I don’t usually struggle SO badly with missing home that I start making plans for when we return. But, yesterday, was a day where all I wanted was to be home. I missed my mom and dad and our families, I missed Spring (and all the seasons for that matter), I missed church fellowship and friends, I missed English billboards and English speaking store clerks. I missed just being a normal, English speaking person. Language learning can be a VERY discouraging time. We knew this coming here and at least we were a bit more prepared but it’s still a difficult task. Some days we wonder if we’ll ever get it. Will we ever be able to have a true heart to heart conversation with a Thai person? As Paul (have I mentioned how thankful I am for him?!) and I talked about our feelings of frustration with language, he reminded me why we are here. He said (and don’t take this the wrong way) “it’s not about missions, it’s about obedience.” Almost immediately my heart calmed. He was right. I was more concerned about DOING something for God (i.e being involved with millions of Thais coming to know the True God) but the only thing God has asked of us is to be obedient and trust Him. If we “fail” according to my standards but succeed by God’s standards then we’ve done what He has asked of us and my fear of failure is no reason to not trust Him; He is still good! I hope this makes some sense.
Anyway, last night as I was reading my Bible the Lord led me to this verse in Acts 20:24
“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”
In this passage, the apostle Paul is saying his farewell to some of his close friends at Ephesus. Paul knew there were people in Jerusalem (where he was heading) who desired to kill him. This was Paul’s response. He was being obedient. He was willing to give up his life for the cause of Christ. What a challenge to me in the midst of life here. Am I ready to give up my life? Also, as I read, the words, “finish my course” stood out. I was reminded of Paul’s words to Timothy in 2 Tim. 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.” Paul and I desire the same…we desire to fight hard and finish strong in the Lord, keeping our faith and trust in Him. It takes more than sacrifice to do that…it takes joyful obedience. So, once again the Lord has encouraged and rebuked me. In His gentleness and great love, He has shown me my sin. Though I still miss home today as I write this I have a better understanding of His grace in my life here. We must always keep our focus on Christ and not on the temporal things of this world. We would appreciate your continual prayers for our language acquisition. Pray also that we would keep our eyes fixed on Christ.
6 comments:
Crystal, your post made me tear up. Thank-you for sharing. We love you.
Hey Crystal, Andrew and Becky here. We just read your post and want you to know we are praying for y'all - and that you are a big encouragement already to us... as we face some challenges already without having even left the states. We long to share in this journey with you and the rest of the team, realizing that similar feelings await. We trust that the Lord is doing great things in your hearts, even as you struggle to learn Thai. Praise God for his promises to keep us and help us persevere! By the way, we're at 70% of our monthly and just crossed the 100% of our one-time today! We hope to join you in Bkk in September (seems like a ways off) after the MTW training activities this summer. Praying for you... A&B
Crystal, you and Paul are amazing examples of faith. When I read your site I am enlightened and I continue to want to learn and do more. You are in my thoughts and prayers always!
Dear Dear Crystal,
I am so proud of you for just being real about the struggles. It is heady stuff to feel called by God and to answer His call. Then comes a day when we realize just how hard it is to follow and we look back at what we left behind and forward without seeing an end to the way of life to which we are called. Then the rubber must not only meet the road, but grip with all its might. Good job sweetie to own all the emotions and be honest with yourself and others. And already you found how mercifully God responds to the honest cry of our heart. Be enouraged...He has called you and He will accomplish the task.
Love, Aunt Ruthie
Dearest friend,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I am struggling to obey too, and know it is because I'm looking too far ahead at what I want God to accomplish with what I do. Your perspective was just what I needed. I love you both and am praying for you. I miss you too!
Crystal,
I am praying for you (as I also pray for myself) that in your weakness God would be glorified. I love this quote, "It is at the point where we can no longer serve out of our own happiness, enjoyment, strentgth and eagerness that we can offer our weakness to God and truly serve in His strength, bringing glory to His name." by Sarah Shull
Love you guys!!!
EvaB
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